


4/20

by AveryUnit



Category: Skulldudes, Skullgirls
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Underage Drinking, i dont even know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 06:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10679868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AveryUnit/pseuds/AveryUnit
Summary: 4/20 in Canopy is a bit hectic, especially with a Skullgirl's arrival approaching.





	4/20

**Author's Note:**

> I dont know. Just take it  
> Happy 4/20

*RRRRRRRRRING*

  
Well, today was certainly eventful.

  
*RRRRRRRRRING*

  
Hungern knew that today was a day dedicated to getting high and celebrating bad decisions that come from it, which can end up very amusing to the person or have them look back on this day and bury their face in their hands until they forget again.

  
*RRRRRRRRING*

  
But this year, the office was bringing in a bunch of teenagers and adults alike–not even aware where they are anymore and wondering if they suddenly arrived on the moon because of how unbearably white and shiny the office walls are–being brought in like some long awaited order of baked goods to the supermarket.

  
*RrrrRRRING*

  
Krieg was busy with catching people drugged out of their minds and trying to reason with them. Why, Hungern didn’t know, but instead of going out and helping pacify the obviously complying and happy-go-lucky junkies, he was stuck doing paperwork.

  
Well, no one was brought in with scorch marks so far, so the purple clad man deduced that his brother was at most exasperated and not angry this evening, so he can rest easy for the rest of his shift.

  
*RRRRRRRRING*

  
“Is anyone gonna answer that?” He half-shouted to the rest of the office.

  
“Goddess knows all the answers, maaan!” One of the druggies being dragged along by an egret responded.

  
“Which one?” Hungern asked once again, even if just to amuse himself.

  
“There are three of ‘em, not one!” He shouted back.

  
“Yeah, which is why I asked, which _one_?”

  
“There are three of ‘em! Respect the whole Trinity, man!”

  
“Y’know, Venus is the goddess of space and infinity, so does she count as just one Goddess?”

  
At that, the grin from the rocker-clad man’s face faded and he slowed his pace, looking up absentmindedly at the ceiling as he nervously contemplated the newbie police officers’ question.

  
The egret escorting him gave him a pat on the back. “Mull it over in the cell, bud.” He said reassuringly, and the junkie started walking again, still looking blissed out.

  
*RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*

  
“Uuuuuuuuuugh.” Hungern groaned, throwing his head back, rolling his chair to the phone and answering it. He hoped it wasn’t the valley girl again. Or the moon guy. Or the boxer. Or the wrestler. Or the moon guy. Or the line where it was all just squelchy slime sounds. That was probably his weirdest and creepiest experience in his line of work so far.

  
“911, what’s your emergency?” He started professionally for about the 36th time this night, picking up a pen and starting to search for some clean paper on his cluttered desk.

  
“Heeeeeyyyy!” A shrill, pre-pubescent voice answered, and Hungern had to lean his head away from the phone to prevent the caller from damaging his eardrums. “Is this the younger ‘brella bro?”

  
The man mined his own gray matter to remember where he heard that voice before, and when he did, his eyes opened, still scrunched in annoyance as he leaned back to the speaker. “Avery?”

  
“Nononononono, I’m Avery. I’m lookin’ for Govern? I mean Hungry? I mean Hungern? Is he there?” The boy questioned again, his speech fast paced as usual, but a bit slurred as well.

  
“Oh Goddess, not you too.” He whined, pressing the bridge of his nose with two gloved fingers, pushing the papers he scavenged from the mess that was his workplace away with his elbow.

  
“OOH! That whiny tone and wuss vibe! It is you!” Avery shrieked once again and a pitter patter of excited feet against cobble could be heard from the other line. “He-Heyyyy, buddy, how’s it goin’--listen, I needs a favor from ya.”

  
“No.”

  
“Great! Knew I could count on ya, pumpkin’.”

  
“No wonder Krieg hates you.”

  
“Whaaaaat, noooo, he doesn’t hate me. He loathes me. Give us s’me more credit, pal.”

  
“Ooookay, how much of whatever you had did you take and where can I get it?” Hungern drawled, starting to look for some sticky notes to take notes.

  
“Oooooh, y’see, uh, kind of a funny story…” Avery laughed hoarsely, his tone turning nervous.

  
“I’m pretty sure after this shift I’ve grown immune to funny stories.” He found a pen and clicked it. “Hit me.”

  
Suddenly, a strong whack of a boxing glove hit Hungern right in the side of his face and he toppled from his chair. A passing egret carrying what looked to be a happily sleeping male Dagonian bridal-style, looked down at Hungern with concern. The young adult gave a thumbs up as he sat up and fumbled for the phone again. He saw a boxing glove on a spring being reeled back and squeezed through the phone, before finally disappearing into it.

  
“Metaphorically.” The officer growled out, balancing the chair so stand properly again.

  
“Oooohh. Haha, sorry. Yeah, sorry, okay, so;” Hungern sat on his chair and switched the phone to be held in his other hand, as the previous one wandered to massage the damaged part of his head. “Chief, minion and I wanted to celebrate the holiday, right?” He sounded like he was puckering his lips for some reason.

  
“Right.” He nodded, a hand still pressed to the ear not being subjected to the bird’s shrill voice. There were about two seconds of silence before a sound resembling a slosh of liquid in a glass bottle and a hum broke out.

  
“Aaaaaand we snagged some bootlegs and dope from a guy Chief knows, right?”

  
“Right… are you drinking something right now, actually? I heard some sloshing or something.”

  
“Yeah! I got some Jack Donnies! We also had some raspberry beers, and they were really good, but now s’all jus’ dead soldiers. Why, ya want some?”

  
“I don’t like whiskey much.”

  
“Phooey.”

  
“And no, I’m just trying to figure out if you’re high or drunk or both.”

  
“I ain’t bent!”

  
“Well, that’s one of those confirmed. And you’re high too, I’m guessing?”

  
“I friggin’ wish!” The boy’s voice rose a few octaves higher in that sentence alone and the private had to lean away from the receiver again. “Samson smoked all of it!”

  
A pause as Hungern’s eyes opened, and his mouth opened and closed rapidly for a few moments.

  
He straightened his posture and looked around, before leaning closer to the speaker. “All of it?”

  
“All. Ten. Ounces.”

  
Another pause.

  
“How?”

  
“Hell if I know! We got the merch, we went to the--Wait.” Hungern heard a muffled ‘Whaaaat?’ and some mumbling from a much deeper voice before the parasite turned his attention to the call again. “Sam says you should come share some.”

  
“Didn’t you just say he smoked all of it?”

  
“I’m pretty sure Vice is gettin’ high just from bein’ near him. That’s how much he stinks of the stuff. So ya never know.”

  
“I’ll pass.”

  
“Any normal person would.”

  
“We’re not people, Avery.”

  
“And we’re still refusin’ to get near Sam. That’s how much of a boozehound he is.” There was a grumble from somewhere in the background. “You’re welcoooome! Yeesh, Samson is way better to handle when he’s on Cloud Nine. We should go to the store without ‘im more often, I tell ya.”

  
Hungern snorted. “Still, where are you?”

  
“I--dude, shut up, shut him up--I ain’t drunk enough to tell ya that.”

  
The policeman twirled his pen between gloved fingers. “Because you’re being discreet or because you don’t know where you are?”

  
“...Anyways, we got the dope, went to the place, this place, whatever. Uh. Vice forgot his energy drink, we went to get it and told Sam to sit still. Then we got back and the whole place was smokin’ up and the bag was empty.”

  
“How long were you gone!?”

  
“Five minutes at most! We don’t trust Sam with the stuff so we teleported n’ jogged!”

  
“How the hell do you keep up with him?”

  
“Man, I don’ even know anymore. At this point, I think me and Vice are here for emotional support at least and meat bags at most.”

  
“Old people.”

  
“Old people.” Avery agreed, and then suck in a slow breath, and the minimal experience the living weapon had as a cop told him that the child was getting ready to ask a sugar-coated favor. A drug-coated favor, in this case? “Sooooooooo, yeaaaaaah, we don’ really have any money on us anymore, so could ya like, y’know, hook us up?”

  
“What? Me? Why? And how would I do that??”

  
“Well, you’ve obviously catchin’ a buncha druggies like Sammy over there and confiscatin’ their stuff, yeah?? So you gotta have some stashed in yer office!”

  
“Dude, you’re already drunk and have a parasite hyped up on coffin varnish and who-knows-what! The most I’ll be delivering you is water and maybe a bucket--I think I have a list bucket around here…”

  
“Bucket list?”

  
“List bucket.”

  
“Bucket list. Don’t kick it.”

  
“This is a list bucket, not a bucket bucket. Don’t worry, I’m not dying tonight.”

  
“Good. Yer a good man, officer. A good umbrella--you get m’ point.”

  
“Yeah, yeah. Look, I’m stuck doing paperwork Krieg dumped on me because people are getting high as a kite. And not only do I not want you to go to jail or for my brother to get a headache over you--again--” A giggle escaped the bord from the other line. ”--we don’t need any more stoners stinking up the place and tempting me to go out and do the same.”

  
“Aww, c’monnnnnnn, we were plannin’ to celebrate and our plans got ruined! Don’tcha feel bad, Hungie?”

  
“...’Hungie’?”

  
“Yeah, realized how stupid dat sounded the second I said it. Shaddap.” He growled. “But really!! We still have a buncha giggle water we wanted to down with the goods, until SOMEBODY ruined our plans. And if SOMEBODY doesn’t get us what we wanted, we just might leave a lil’ more dead soldiers around town than we oughta.”

  
“Dude, what the--” Hungern, who slumped in his chair throughout the conversation, suddenly shot up. “You didn’t kill any one of our men, did you!? There’s just light armed patrol today!”

  
“What? No. Dead soldiers. Empty beer cans. Those dead soldiers, crushed between Vice’s big, hat hands and left in his wake. What a man.”

  
“I’m not even gonna get started on that sentence, but phew.”

  
“Oh yeah, also, there aren’t any dead soldiers, but there are some guys we had to beat down to get to the place we’re in, so we might have ta have ya drive us. ‘Cuz I think I accidentally hit one of ‘em right in the artery and it miiiiight get stinked up soon.”

  
“...”

  
“...Hello?”

  
“...”

  
“...Hungern? Officer? Hungie?”

  
“I’m here. Just. Contemplating why I’m friends with you.”

  
“Cuz you’re repressing your own feelings of rebellion and projectin’ them unto people who are actually doin’ illegal shit.”

  
“Or maybe you’re just my only friends outside the castle?”

  
“Oh yeah, that’s probably it, yeah.”

  
“Well, I can’t hook you up on anything, cuz’ if I’m not getting any dope or bootlegs today, neither are you.”

  
“Then what are we supposed to do!?”

  
“Go home before you get any more drunk and hope to Trinity my brother doesn’t find you on the way.”

  
“Awwww, but we was lookin’ forward to runnin’ around roofs with him!”

  
“Can Sam even stand?”

  
There was a brief silence, followed by a thump and hoarse laughter. “...Well, what’s stoppin’ me from goin’ by myself?”

  
“The probable consequence of coming home to your boss and making her scrunch up her nose at your alcohol breath.”

  
“Boss drinks Donnies too!”

  
“Seriously, why is everyone and their child drinking nowadays!? I know a lot of our laws are bullcrap, but some are actually there to prevent you from doing stupid stuff!”

  
“Oh I dunno, maybe the shadow of impendin’ doom that is the Skullgirl?”

 

 

“Yeah.”

  
Yeah, that’d explain why there are so many junkies around this year. With the uneasy relations between the three kingdoms, things have quieted down, but now Canopy had to focus on the even darker things the war has been obscuring--mainly the mafia. And in the ‘year of the Skullgirl’, as some have fittingly dubbed it, everyone was desperate and in a panic, which gave the Medici a perfect chance to strike, which causes more chaos and panic, and then the Skullgirl rises, and then there’s even more chaos and panic and dea--

  
“Oh c’mon, bud, I didn’t mean ta drag ya down!! Ya have more firepower than ya ever had to defeat the McGuffin--aka moi--so if anythin’ this’ll be the easiest Skullgirl season y’all’ve ever had.”

  
Hungern carded his fingers through his hair and sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah, I hope you’ll prove my bro wrong. Cuz’ I mean, both he and I saw what you’re capable of, and if you just keep training to keep yourself… sharp, you’ll be able to take down the Skullgirl no problem.”

  
“Exactly!! Nice pun, by the way. Youse just started rankin’ above Bee in my list.”

  
“You have a list on who you like and dislike most?”

  
“Ya never know who ta trust and who not to these days.”

  
“I trust you. Not with my lunch, but I’d go back to back with you in a fight anytime.”

  
“Awww, I feel the same, dude!”

  
“Dude!”

  
“Duuude!

  
“If you steal my curry again I’m gonna chomp you in half.”

  
“If ya eat my rice cakes again, ya better like pointed steel.”

  
“Eh, sometimes.”

  
“Damn.”

  
“Go to bed, Avery.”

  
“Aw, fiiiine. But only ‘cuz I’m tired out of talkin’ with ya. We’ll just dump Sam in a dumpster and go home.”

  
“Doesn’t he have like, contacts where he can get an actual bed? Or couch?”

  
“Well, he keeps sayin’ somethin’ about ‘Delilah', but it doesn’t ring any bells. ‘Sides, he’s too far out to charm his way into someone's’ house, so his natural habitat it is.”

  
“Sounds fair. Also, is it me, or did you sober up all of a sudden?”

  
“...I had like, two gulps n’ stopped.”

  
“Yeah, I feel ya.”

  
“Yer not Filia.”

  
“You sound like Filia.”

  
“Sam’s already been thinkin’ she’s here cuz I keep talkin’ to ya, so don’ even get me started.”

  
“Well, seeing--hearing--as you’re not half seas over, can you teleport Vice home?”

  
“Shore thing, officer. Hey, big lug!! We’re leavin’.”

  
“‘Aight, get home save, Aves.”

  
“Heeeeeey, Hungie.”

  
“Hmmm?”

  
“Yer way nicer than ya brotha.”

  
“Someone’s gotta be the good cop.”

  
“Yeah, like, the only one in the whole kingdom.”

  
“Or maybe I just turn a blind eye to things.”

  
“Ya wouldn’t still be on the phone if ya didn’t want me ta get home safe.”

  
“S’ a policeman’s duty.”

  
“Ta someone like you, it seems like it’s jus’ the right thing ta do.”

  
“...Because it is?”

  
“Keep at it, ya paragon ‘brella.”

  
“Go to bed, Avery.”

  
“Go fish.”

  
“I’m not picking up any dagonians today. Am egret earlier did, though.”

  
“Damn, lucky him.”

  
“Mmmhm.”

  
“Night, Hungie.”

  
*Click*

  
Well, that was certainly something.

  
He still has a lot of pointless paperwork to fill, even though, he's been filling them up over the call, but at least he made himself look like he was working harder by talking over the phone.

  
And it was nice to hear the trouble trio was enjoying tonight, even if it didn’t go as planned.

  
It’s a… bit worrying to realize their saviour from the Skullgirl is supposed to be a haughty child, but… at least he’s got a good head on his shoulders.

  
That can’t be said about many people and the like in Canopy.

  
Well, work, work, work. He can’t let negative thoughts get in his way.

  
*RRRRRRRRING*

  
Oh, for cripes’ sake.

  
Hungern picked up the phone yet again.

  
“911, what’s your emergency?”

  
“Heyyyy, uhhhh,” Avery’s shrill voice, now hushed in a whisper, talked over the distant shouts of egrets from the other line. “Ya wouldn’t happen to have bail, would ya, bud?”

  
The adult slammed the phone down and ended the call with a monotone face.

  
“Reports on sightings near Little Innsmouth of three people under the influence, over.” A staticy, monotone voice spoke through one of the passing egrets walkie-talkie.  
Hungern stood up and sighed, putting his goggles on.

  
He didn’t know why he trusted an inebriated trio of idiots to get home safe, but whatever. It’s up to him now.

  
The office was starting to stink up, and Avery was right, you really can feel high just from smelling the stuff.


End file.
